i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
