This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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