Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
