Already got asked if we're dating
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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