If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
