Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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