What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
