saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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