so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
