she looked like the bat from fern gully.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
