3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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