I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
