Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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