I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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