mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
