I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
