someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
