I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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