I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
