I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
