I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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