cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
