I can't watch pbs sober anymore
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
