There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
