I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
