Jerry, you need to find god
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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