woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
