and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
