Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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