I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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