6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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