So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
