***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
