whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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