I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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