Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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