meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
