there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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