New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
