Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Panties = found
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
