Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
