I'm going to rape someone's good day.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I came so hard my ears popped.
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