if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
