I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Can I color on your dick again?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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