I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
