fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
