Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
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