i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
