We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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