I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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