When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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